When women get together as adults, the high school thoughts and feelings seem to come back. However, these days were a little older and have more words we've learned that we can use in conversation. This helps us better avoid difficult conversations, or any real topic at all if we've found ourselves check out. A woman can be your best friend or your best nemesis, and you'd never be able to tell the difference in the daylight. No matter what, some sort of insecurities exist in each of us because we've grown up in and around it. We just can't help it.
Tonight, I told a group of my female friends that I have no insecurities, and that may not be totally true. I think some of my insecurities have caused me to be who I am. Loud, outgoing, talkative, jumpy - all of these come from my insecurity of being alone. I really don't like it, so I've found if I ignore how I sometimes feel about me, I'll talk to more people and constantly be surrounded. Then I don't have to sit at home thinking of all my faults. I know they exist, but I think I've trained myself to stay so busy I don't dig them out of the deep dark hole of my brain I've buried them in.
If you happen to find another woman you can talk with, bitch with, cry with, laugh with, go out with, hang out with, that's pretty good. Growing up I had a couple different types of female friends, but mostly we all tried to keep a strong, brave face and didn't talk about the "real" feelings. My sisters got to see all that I hid inside - sometimes. There were some times where I'd watch sappy love movies and cry over a bowl of something sugary and bad for me.
Now, I'm very grateful to say that I've got female friends who will have fun, kick, scream, and yell with me, including some that have adapted from the fun carefree friendships of childhood. I'm appreciative of all my female friends out there. Thanks for letting me be me, without having to second guess myself too much.
