Graceful Dreams

Butterfly, pretty
little butterfly. So colorful,
so full of life,
so beautiful.

Hello, butterfly. I enjoy
seeing you float above me, so daintily.
Hard to believe
you were so recently just a little
catepillar,
just winding yourself up and hoping
for the freedom
wings would someday provide.

Look at you go.
Good for you, little
butterfly! Push forward
and continue the journey
for a life you always dreamed
to have.

I wish I could fly
with you into the clouds,
soaring
over the rest of the world.
You ignore thoughts of tomorrow
and have no need to see to next week--
I wish I could fly
with you to a place so clear
and free from worry. Take me home
with you to the meadow.

Pretty little butterfly, flutter
away. Go see the world
and send me the images of the beauty
you have seen. Please, butterfly,
linger a little longer,
but when you leave I'll watch
until you float
out of view.

Love endures

As I write about two characters that realize they love each other, it's interesting. This thought of love and how people will do such silly things when it has to do with someone they love. It's a beautiful thing. Yes, beautiful I called it. Love is doing things you never imagined you'd do. Love is trust, kindness, passion, honesty--even when it hurts. So I write about two characters and their interactions with each other. I laugh and cry as I imagine what things they are about to go through, all because they know love.

It's not easy. Romantic comedies make light of the pain, but still show that the people involved are not perfect. I enjoy them because they let me see how unexpected feelings can drive a person.

LOVE. :-)

Love is God. God is Love. God is so amazing to be so loving even when each of us struggle at some point with that fact. He loves us so completely. Unyeilding. It's breath taking.

I've learned so much about God's love lately. So much about His passion for each of us. Wounds of my past He takes from me. Washes me, comforts me, tells me to never think of them again. He draws my hands up to Him and through the song I sing my Lord surrounds me, engulfs me, in his Holy Spirit. As I walk through the day I feel His comfort on me. I feel the intoxicating passion of Love. His Love. I've never felt anything like it in my life, and I know I'll never feel anything better. This is the best kind of love. This is love I can never again live my life without.

Love can make you a better person. You want to lay down your life for someone you truly love, and slowly He is showing me how to do that. It won't always be the easiest, but with the Lord I will be able to endure anything. Daily I must remember to pick up my cross and lay down my life for Jesus, the One who first did this for me. For I was decaying and He brought me back through love. My heart forever belongs to Him, and no one else. I love you, Lord.

No News Isn't Bad News

I haven't heard from the magazine competitions I entered, but they have until the end of June to get back to me. I'm hopeful becuase I know one in particular will not leave you without an answer. Just knowing that it's almost mid-June and I haven't heard no yet means either I'm at the bottom of the stack or I'm on the list of possibilities. I'm going to go with the second one.

In other news, I've been bad and haven't been writing for the past week. I think I need to start my word limit a day again. I was on it when I started that. Starting today, 250 words a day again. I think this just needs to be a daily occurence anyway. I'm happier, my brain is clearer and I get great ideas down onto paper or in the computer.

No news on any of the jobs I've applied for yet either. I know God has a plan for me, so if these don't work out obviously that wasn't my path. I can feel that the Lord has something, but the actual physical description of what it is I don't know yet. I'm getting that excited feeling again though, like when He moved me to Mississippi for my senior year. And like the time I decided to go to MSU rather than a Texas school. It especially feels like the time when I left Housing, a little bit sad because I had a lot of fun there, but really excited about all the great possibilities of life. :-)

Tonight I write! So many novels to write, so little time.

Change is in the Air

I've moved into a new place, two of my sisters and a friend are getting married, and now I'm searching for a new job. It's fun how quickly life changes. I'm really wanting to get back into writing as my career path. So, while I try to get published creatively I'm going to be searching for freelance opportunities in editing, writing and marketing jobs.

I'm going to be looking for possible newspaper openings, tech writing/editing jobs, blogging opportunities and other marketing strategy jobs. If need be I'll go back for another sales position or a part time job to pay the bills while I focus a few months on my novels. I just want to be writing, and right now I've been full of new ideas!

If anyone hears of any jobs they think I'd be good at let me know. I'm on the hunt!

Beautiful Words

I love words. I love the combination of words to form sentences. I love that those sentences can be used to describe life and situations, actions and feelings. It's pretty fantastic notion that a compilation of words can describe the crazy moments in life. I think I said this already, but once more can't hurt. I love it.

Earnest Hemingway said: My aim is to put down on paper what I see and what I feel in the best and simplest way.

Dear Mr. Hemingway,

I hope that one day I can allow someone to sit under a tree with a cup of coffee enjoying something I've written as much as I enjoy reading your words. You have definitely done a great job putting your feelings to paper. Thank you for that.

God, please continue to watch me and be with me as I pursue this love, this passion that I have. Thank You for Your constant love and all the people You have put in my life who believe in me. And thank You, Lord, for believing in me. :-)

More excerpts and things to come. It will probably be after I finish moving this weekend. Must keep pushing forward!

Opening of the new book

So, I haven't done much writing or editing in the past couple of days. I really need to get on this because the next magazine competition's deadline is May 15. I was hoping to submit 3-4 things, but at the rate I'm going I'll be happy to at least get one finished to submit. I think Saturday afternoon I'll have some time to work on them after a graduation and before a party. It's going to be a busy, but extremely fun weekend.

Well, as the title of the entry says, here is the beginning of the new book. Other pieces of it have been previously posted. Enjoy!

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As orientation came to an end the soon to be freshmen of Lucas Steinwick College were shuffled into the auditorium of Ryder Hall. Twelve orientation leaders helped lead them to the front of the room and quiet them down so they could send them home to enjoy the rest of their summer.
“The sooner we finish this, the sooner you all get out of here,” one of the male leaders said. “Please, find a seat.” Students moved towards the aisles and the twelve senior students went to the stage and sat down with their legs dangling off the edge.
“Thank you all for a great two days of orientation,” a red headed orientation leader said. “On0 behalf of all of us, you really were the best group this summer. So thank you.”
“Give yourselves a round of applause,” a blond next to the red head said. The twelve at the stage started to applaud and eventually everyone in the auditorium began to clap.
“So, we're here now to let you ask any last minute questions, but first I want to give you the background behind this hall,” the red head said.
“Amanda, please don't,” the guy on the other side of her said. “They've learned enough this weekend.”
“I'll keep it short. Ryder Hall was named for one of the first graduates from the school,” she said. “He was a transfer student when the school began, so he only ended up spending a year here. He went on to found his own law firm in town. Ryder and associates is still here. See, Charlie, that was quick.”
“Great, let's keep moving,” he said.
“Okay, do any of you have any other questions? Anything you haven't asked this weekend?” Amanda said.
A girl on the front row raised her hand timidly. Amanda nodded at her to speak. “Will you tell us the story about the statue?” she asked.
The orientation leaders glanced nervously at one another. “We're really not supposed to provoke that superstition,” Amanda said.
“What could be the worst that could happen?” Charlie said. “It's the last night, the last group. It's not like they'll fire us or kick us out of school.”
“Charlie, we're not supposed to,” she said.
“I'll tell you the story,” he said. “If any of you want to fill in any details be my guest.” He glanced around at his nervous co-workers. “Okay, so the legend of the statue man dates back to the beginning of the school opening, in 1897. Steinwick was founded by a man named Lucas Steinwick, like we already told you or should have told you. This man was a great wizard that did many great things in the United States during that time, while avoiding those people who opposed the idea of witchcraft.”
“So, the school is named after a wizard?” an awkward guy sitting on the fourth row asked. “That doesn't make sense.”
“He had a lot of money to open the school. And this is a legend, remember that. This isn't necessarily real. Now, where was I?”
“He avoided people who didn't like magic,” Amanda said. She was sitting off the side of the stage with her arms crossed.
Charlie smiled at her. “Right. Thank you. Well, Mr. Steinwick liked to hang out at the O'Nally Pub, the one just off campus, because the O'Nally's always let him be.”
“Then how is the pub still around?” the awkward guy interrupted again.
“The O'Nally's still live in this area. I think Kitty O'Nally owns it now. She's an alumni from here. Anyway, Mr. Steinwick would spend three or four days a week drunk at the pub. He was a nice enough guy, but he was rumored to have a bit of a mean streak when he had a few too many, if you know what I mean. He taught classes here for the first probably fifteen or twenty years. One class a semester. I guess it was the best way to keep up with the way things were going.
“Well the pub wasn't just a great place for him to go. Being walking distance from our beautiful campus made it a great spot for students as well. By the way, it still is great to go. The food is great and when you're old enough try a drink. They have many great ones.” He chuckled to himself. “I think I'm going to run by there tonight.”
“Charlie, we shouldn't be talking about alcohol,” the red head urged.
“Sorry, right. So, one frightful Saturday night the first semester the school was open a transfer student from somewhere to the east of us showed up to the pub after Mr. Steinwick was already drunk and particularly loud.”
“Get to the point. Parents are waiting and I've got a date,” the blond whispered.
“Okay, well the drunk wizard and the student got into a big argument over some book, so the wizard turned him into a statue that would forever be stuck reading that book.”
“What book?” a small, blond freshman asked.
“I don't know,” he said. “I don't know if that part of the story is important. The main point of the story is use the buddy system at night so you have a better chance against the statue man. He will forever be tormenting our campus at night, but at night only.”
“Now, that is just a story,” Amanda said. “But the buddy system is important. You should never walk alone at night, even on a campus as safe as ours. Does anyone else have a question?” The students all looked around at each other. No one moved. “Well, if you do sometime before school you should have the e-mail address of your group leader. We'll be more than happy to help you answer any question.”
“Have a great night,” the blond said and stood up.
“Yes, thank you all for a great orientation,” Amanda said. The students were already pushing each other down the aisles to find the best shot to the door. “We'll see you on campus in a couple months.” She looked out and everyone was looking away from her.
As the students headed to find their parents, Amanda went to scold Charlie. She didn't notice the two girls lingering behind to talk to them.
“They asked. I could have given more detail,” Charlie said. “Lighten up, Mandy.”
“It's inappropriate. How many groups did you tell the story to?” she asked.
“Every group I led.” She scowled at him. “Oh, come on. It's a school legend. It's history and tradition. I thought you love those things.”
“Charlie,” one of the girls interupted, “why are you always in some sort of trouble with a girl. I htought you were the good one.”
“Hey, Sarah.” He reached out and hugged her. “Mandy, this is my little sister, Sarah. Sarah, this is my slightly senior co-worker.”
“He fell for the last girl I saw talk to him that way, so be careful,” Sarah said, shaking Amanda's hand.
Mandy pulled her left hand into the air. “I've very happily engaged.”
“Good, then no falling for her, Charlie. Oh, hey, this is my new friend Leann. I invited her to eat with us. She's already gotten permission from her parents. She's not going back home until tomorrow, like me.”
“Well, it's nice to see Sarah's making friends already,” Charlie said, shaking Leann's hand. “Bye, Mandy.”
“I'm not done talking about this,” she said. “I'll call you later.” Mandy walked toward the back of the stage to get her things.
“How about O'Nally's? I'm craving one of their burgers and a beer.”
“Sounds great. I guess we're walking then,” Sarah said. “I'd like to see how long a walk it is. We didn't do that through orientaion.”
“Follow me,” he said, holding the auditorium doors open for the girls.

Magazine contests

Well, I haven't been blogging lately, but I have been writing. I haven't been keeping track of the word count, but I am being productive.

So, I'm submitting some short stories to two magazine contests. One story is going into a Family Matters genre at one competition, and hopefully 3-4 others will be submitted into a Writers Digest competition.

Lord, thank You for this ability you've given me! Thank you for the words I ran across in Proverbs 16:3 today - "Commit to the Lord whatever you do and your plans will succeed." Those are great words, and I thank You for that love Lord!

I'm about to submit the story for the Family Matters competition. Of course I've waited till the absolute last moment hehe. It's due tomorrow. :-) Below is the story I'm submitting to that one. Keep me in your prayers!

Annabel's Shoes
by: Jennifer Nelson

A little less than a month after we moved the final boxes of clothing and shoes into my sister, Annabel's, dorm room she still hadn't made any friends. I attributed this to the long phone conversations with her boyfriend back home, Nick. She constantly sat in her room moping about the loss of her social life. I was trying to be a good sister when I invited her to hang out with me one Saturday night.
“Come with us,” I said.
“You're leaving now?”
“That was the plan,” I said. “Everyone is hungry.”
“Oh, okay.”
“So, are you coming?”
“Sure. I'll be down in a minute.”
It seemed like an hour had passed before she actually made it downstairs. I assumed she had to do all her proper primping. Straighten her hair, put on her make-up, and find the right clothes. She always looked so perfect. I just had on a dorm t-shirt and a faded pair of jeans.
She walked out the door wearing her black pumps, her red tank top and a mini skirt that seemed to be missing material at the bottom.
“We were about to leave you,” I said.
“Sorry, Nick called,” she said. “And I had to straighten my hair. It looked pretty bad. You know how that goes.”
I rolled my eyes. “So how's Nick since you left?”
“He's fine,” she said. “He misses me.”
“He'll see you when we go home at Christmas,” I said.
They had been together two years, but she was always flirting with some other guy. I didn't blame her much. She planned on marrying Nick right out of high school, but that plan changed when he dropped out of college told her he had no intention of going back. It broke her heart. Since her dreams of being a housewife were ruined she decided to follow me to school in Mississippi, while the rest of her life stayed home in Texas.
“Are we going?” Annabel's roommate, Jessica, asked.
“Yeah, let's go,” I said.
“Good, I'm hungry,” Jessica said.
“Sorry,” Annabel said. “It's my fault.”
Jessica was the only friend Annabel really had at this point. Out of all the people I had introduced her to, Jessica seemed to be the only person who could tolerate the mood swings of my sister.
My recent crush, Johnny, said he'd meet us at Burger King. I saw him when we arrived and went over to say hello. When Annabel saw him she whispered something to Jessica. They laughed, ordered their food, and filled up their drinks.
Johnny was a pretty good friend of mine, but I couldn't really get closer than that. He was the first guy to make me so nervous I was actually speechless. I used to feel like a moron when I'd stumble over my feet and laugh incessantly at jokes that weren't funny.
“There's a seat right here,” Annabel said when he walked up. “So, how are you doing, Johnny?”
“Pretty good. Not sure I'm ready for classes to start though.”
“I understand that,” Annabel said.
“I'm going to have nineteen hours this semester. It's crap,” he said.
“Why so many?” Annabel asked.
“It's what my advisor suggested since I start co-oping in the spring.”
“What is co-oping?” Annabel asked.
“It's like an internship, but for engineers. I wish I could take this semester easy, though.”
“That sucks,” I said absentmindedly.
“What sucks?” he asked.
“Just that, well, you'll be so busy this semester. And then gone in the spring. You'll be busy and, well, I just want you to be able to relax.” He smiled at me.
“Number 547,” the burger king woman said.
“That's mine.” Johnny got up to retrieve his food.
“Must you flirt with ever guy?” I asked Annabel once he was out of ear shot.
“What are you talking about?” she asked.
“Nothing.”
Johnny came back with food and eventually we all had our numbers called. Annabel kept talking with Johnny, and I inhaled my food. When I finished I went up to the counter to order a Hershey's chocolate pie to make myself feel better.
“Are we ready to go?” Jessica asked. “I think it's about that time.”
“Just let me re-fill my drink first,” Annabel said. “I'm really thirsty. One glass just didn't do it for me.”
I walked out front and waited for them. I didn't feel like being around people anymore, but I knew walking alone at night wasn't the best idea.
“We should go out tonight,” Annabel said when we all got outside.
“I don't know,” Johnny said. “It depends on what we do.”
“Michelle, wouldntitbefuntogodancing?” Annabel asked.
“What?” I really wasn't paying attention.
“Dancing, Michelle. Wouldn't it be fun? We should go tonight.”
“Um, okay. If you want,” I mumbled.
“Johnny, you have to come with us.” Annabel patted his shoulder. “Have you ever been out dancing? We love it.”
We started walking back towards their dorm. Annabel was telling a high school story to Johnny and Jessica. I slowed down to avoid hearing their conversation. Plus, I didn't want to watch and create ideas in my head about the way he was looking at her. I knew if he liked her I was better off knowing then.
This wasn't the first time I believed that a guy had chosen her over me. I just didn't think it would happen again, especially up here at my school. She didn't know anything about this university until I described my crazy friends and all the fun we've had exploring campus and attending all the different campus events.
In high school Annabel was the cheerleader who went to all the parties and had all the friends. I played softball and had whatever person I was talking to that day. She dated head football players while I pined over my best friend, Michael. She ended up dating Michael too.
I didn't notice that Annabel had slowed down to catch a moment to talk with me.
“What's wrong with you?” she asked.
“Nothing.”
“You're a bad liar.” I didn't say anything. “So, you're not going to tell me what that comment was for?”
“What comment?”
“The one about me flirting.”
“Oh, that.”
“Yeah, oh that. What was that? And you said it in front of Jessica.”
“Jessica knows you're a flirt.”
“I wasn't flirting with Johnny.”
“Well he was flirting with you, and you didn't stop it.”
“You're just seeing things. Besides, you weren't talking. Someone had to fill the void. I've never seen you so quiet.”
“Don't do this again.”
“What?”
“You did this with Michael.”
“Don't bring him up. I didn't even know you liked him. You never told me.”
“I was always around him. Always trying to get his attention.”
“He asked me out and he was cute. I didn't know you liked him. I'm sorry. I've already told you I was sorry. Will that ever go away?”
“Not when you're doing it again. I'll tell you very clearly, I like him so don't take him.”
“Fine.” She picked up her pace toward the dorm and was able to get several feet ahead of me.
“Fine then, just run off,” I yelled.
“I'm not running off, I'm just walking,” she said, not looking back.
“Well, you're trying to get away from me.”
“I'm just walking fast. I can't help that I walk fast.” Her fast walking helped us reach Jessica and Johnny at the girls entrance of the dorm, where they had waited for us, a bit faster.
“I think I'll just leave then,” I said. “You're mad and running away from me anyway. So, I'll do the same.” I started walking towards my car. Johnny and Jessica slowly started inching towards the front door of the dorm.
“What do you want me to say?” she asked.
I turned around and saw her gripping the rail of the handicap entrance. “What can you say, Annabel?”
“I could ask why you're always such a jerk to me.”
“Because you take everything I want. Why do you do that?” Annabel's face was getting red from frustration.
“I don't try to take everything. Stop being so, so you.” She threw her drink and the cup busted as it hit the ground about three feet in front of me. Jessica opened the girl to the girls side and let Johnny in after her.
“Were you trying to hit me?” I asked.
“No, I wanted that drink,” she said. “It kind of slipped.”
“You threw it. Now you have no drink.”
“I wasn't thirsty anymore.”
“Good, you don't have a drink anymore.”
We stood in silence for a few moments. Sometimes we looked at each other, sometimes we looked out at the walking paths around the dorm. Annabel sighed and said, “Are we still going out tonight?”
“Sure,” I said. “We'll probably have to find Jessica and Johnny.”
“Maybe we shouldn't invite Johnny.”
“Why? I'd like to dance with him,” I said.
“Well you call him. I'll go talk to Jessica.”
She went up the ramp and through the door to her dorm. I went to my car so that I could head home to change.
I wanted to believe that Annabel didn't want to hurt me on purpose. When we were younger we'd yell and get over it. Back then we used to argue over dolls and candy. Now fights, like the one about Johnny, were getting slightly more serious.
Before Annabel had gotten to Mississippi we had a fight over the phone about her boyfriend, Nick. She asked me, “What if I go there and he doesn't want me anymore. What if no one after him wants me.”
“Guys will always ask you out, and they always have. Don't give me that,” I said.
“But he's the guy I love,” she said. “You don't know what it's like.”
“You're right. I can't understand this.” I laid down and moved the phone to the other hand.
“Michelle, don't be like that. I wasn't trying to get you mad at me. Why can't you just be my big sister for like five seconds.”
“Why do you even talk to me if you're just going to ignore everything I say. I'm trying to be a good sister and be honest with you.”
“I don't ignore what you say,” Annabel said. “I just don't think you know what you're talking about.”
“I've seen the way he's treated you the last year. He doesn't deserve you.”
“That's not fair. He's just had a rough time.”
“Not fair? He's done drugs, got caught, was sent to jail and then dropped out of college. He also doesn't seem to think he's done anything wrong and doesn't want a better life for the two of you.”
“I'm going to hang up,” she said.
“Please do,” I said, but hung up on her first. I just didn't want my little sister to be hurt, but I didn't know how to explain how I felt to her without fighting.
I realized when I started driving home that I still needed to call Johnny to go out with us. I wanted him to go, but I don't know what I expected from the night.
“Johnny,” I said when I got him on the phone.
“Hey, Michelle. Are you and Annabel okay?” he asked.
“Oh yeah, we're fine. We were wondering if you still wanted to go out with us tonight.”
“You two aren't fighting anymore?” he asked.
“No, we're being big girls now,” I joked.
“Okay, then I'd like to go,” he said.
“Great. Meet us downstairs in about fifteen minutes. I'm running home to change.”
“Okay.”
I wanted to have fun that night, but I was afraid of putting Annabel and Johnny back in the same room together. I had to look good. Johnny had rarely seen me dressed up. I went into my closet at home and hoped that I owned something that would look good. I knew Annabel would look fantastic.
Out of all my clothing one top seemed appropriate. It happened to be one I had bought when Annabel and I went shopping. It was modest, yet it had the Annabel touch. Guys liked the Annabel touch. I also grabbed a pair of red heels that we bought that same weekend. I found a pair of clean jeans and finished getting ready so I could hurry back.
When I pulled back into the parking lot of the dorm I called Annabel. “Are you ready? I'm parked outside.”
“I'll be out in a few seconds,” she said. “Is Johnny going?”
“Yeah, he's downstairs.”
“Jessica and I will be there in a minute.” I was surprised when they actually came down in about a minute. That had to be Jessica.
“So, where are we going?” Annabel asked.
“You know this is more of a retirement community than a party town, right? The whole club scene may not be what you were thinking it would be,” I warned.
“I just want to go out in my heels,” she said. “There has to be some place to go.”
She was wearing the pink pumps that she fell in love with one shopping trip, and the outfit she bought weeks later just to go with the heels. I was happy that she was wearing jeans, because if she had been wearing a skirt, or worse some Daisy-Duke shorts, I would have felt terrible.
“I saw the sign at the tavern said the Burnt Herrings are playing,” I said.
“What kind of place is that?” Annabel asked.
“It's a hang out bar,” I said. “I'll just drive by and let you decide.”
I drove up and circled the parking lot. After a few moments Annabel said, “No.”
“Well, there's a bar down the street where I've listed to bands,” I said.
“Okay, let's try it,” she said. When Annabel saw the building she said no, so I kept driving past. “I say Johnny chooses.”
He grumbled, but picked the country bar next to the bowling alley which was famous for karaoke and underage drinking. It was really the only choice left.
We paid the cover and went into the back room. I had never been in there on a Saturday before, so I was excited to find that there was a dance floor and a DJ. Sadly no one was dancing because they were there to drink.
Johnny found a table while we rubbed off the happy birthday stamps that were barely pressed to our skin. Those were supposed to prove we were too young for alcohol.
“Why don't you go dance with Michelle, Johnny,” Annabel said, trying to prove she wasn't interested.
“Sure, I'll dance with her,” he said.
He led me out to the dance floor and started spinning me around. Our dancing didn't fit the music, but I was enjoying myself. I looked over at Annabel and smiled. She had Jessica out on the dance floor dancing with her.
“How's my dancing?” Johnny asked.
“You're doing fine.” I smiled. This was the first time I had ever danced with him.
“Are you sure? I don't look stupid?”
“You look good.” I couldn't stop smiling. “Just go with the music.”
“I thought I was going with the music.” He stopped dancing. “Let's go sit down, I know I look stupid.”
“Johnny, you're dancing so well,” Annabel said when she overheard him.
“Really?” he asked. “It doesn't look bad, Annabel?”
“Here, let me show you a little bit,” Annabel said. Johnny started dancing with her and I awkwardly stood mid-dance floor. I waited one song, dancing alone, before walking back to the table. I grabbed my keys and phone before going outside so I could cry without them seeing me. I didn't realize, but Annabel had followed me out.
“I'm sorry,” Annabel said. “Don't take that the wrong way.”
“Just take him if you really want him that bad,” I said.
“I wasn't trying to take him. I was showing him a little bit about dancing.”
“He was dancing with me. With me! And you just jumped in there like always. Always perfect. Always the one guys want.”
“Johnny doesn't want me. I was just helping him dance.”
“I was helping him dance.”
“I'm sorry,” she said again.
“I just don't understand. You have Nick, just leave my life alone. You say I don't understand, but you don't understand.”
She sat down next to me. “I know I have Nick, but you don't even like him.”
“So you want to take the one I like from me? You think I'll approve of Johnny more than Nick?”
“No, I'm not trying to take him. I want him to ask you out,” Annabel said. “I just like being around him. If you like him, I know he's a good guy. I fell in love with, well, a guy who's kind of a loser.”
I couldn't stop my tears. “I just don't understand, Annabel. Why does he want you instead of me?” I kept thinking about the freedom I felt in moving away to school. I felt like I had a new life. When Annabel followed me to college it was like I was back in high school again.
“They all want you, Annabel. I'll just have to marry one before you meet him.”
“Michelle, that's not true.”
“Just leave me alone.” I stood up and headed toward my car. Annabel followed behind me. I turned and said, “Why do you like to ruin my life.” I wanted to be angry. To scream at her. But my voice just got lower and more difficult to understand.
“I'm not trying to ruin anything, I swear.” She reached out to grab my hand and I pulled farther away from her.
“Why don't you just move home and marry Nick. It would solve both our problems.”
I kept walking to my car and fumbled for my keys. I turned around and saw Annabel slowly walking back to the bar. I unlocked the car and opened the door. I sat down and put the key in the ignition. Annabel was still outside the bar when I looked back at her.
“Annabel, wait,” I yelled. She stopped walking, but didn't turn around. “I'm sorry.” She started walking again, this time at her faster pace. I jumped out, slamming the door, and ran back toward the bar. I wobbled in the heels as I ran. A pothole grabbed the back of the left shoe and pulled me down. “Crap!” I yelled.
Annabel turned back and looked at me as she got to the door. “What did you do?” she asked across the parking lot. A door closed near me and I saw two girls laughing as they passed by. Annabel put her hand out when she reached me. “You really shouldn't wear those if you're just going to break them.”
I took her hand and let her pull me up. I tried to stand but my left heel collapsed and I pulled Annabel to the ground with me as I fell again.
“Michelle, I was trying to help you up, jerk.” She got up and dusted her clothes off.
“It was an accident. Sorry.” I took my shoe off and threw it at her. “See, the heel broke.”
“Don't throw your stupid, broken shoe at me.” She started walking toward to the building again. I caught a glimpse of Johnny and Jessica past Annabel as they headed back into the bar.
“Are you running away from me again?” I asked.
“You threw a shoe at me. I think we're done.” She turned back to face me.
“Come talk with me, please. I don't want to fight anymore.”
“We're always going to fight. Always have.”
“Annabel, were you crying?” I asked when I noticed her mascara running.
“I just found out my sister hates my existence and wants me to make the worst mistake of my life, just to get me to leave her alone.”
“That's what I'm apologizing for,” I said. “I shouldn't have been so mean about Nick. It's your life.”
“He's cheating on me.” She came back and sat near my pothole. “His new girlfriend, or whatever she is, has been calling me from his phone.” She put her hands on her face so I couldn't see the tears.
“Has he talked to you?” I asked.
“We've talked. He said she's just a girl from work.” She wiped the black from her cheeks. “I don't want to be alone, Michelle. I don't know what I'll do without him.”
I moved over and put my arm around her. “You'll live. You'll go to school. You'll meet another guy, just not Johnny.”
She laughed which caused her to hiccup between the sobs. “I don't like Johnny.”
“With all the guys that have liked you, how can you believe you'll be alone very long?”
“What if I'm meant to be with guys like Nick?” she asked. “I mean, we're both attractive, but not very smart.”
I nudged her shoulder and said, “Don't talk about my sister like that. Only I can call her stupid.” She laughed. “You are intelligent. You moved two states away. You got yourself away from a bad situation.”
“Just to hurt you. I should have just stayed home.” She put her head down in her hands again. A car pulled past us and parked a few spots away. They whispered something I assumed to be about us as they walked to the bar. “We should go back in,” she said as she stood up. I pulled my other shoe off so I could too.
“I love you,” I said. “You know that right?”
“I love you, too,” she said.
“I'm glad you're here. I can't lie though, I'm not always going to like it. I'll try to be nicer.”
“And I'll try not to steal anymore guys from you so you can get married one day.”
“Ha, ha, aren't you funny.”
“Let's go back in,” Annabel said.
“I have no shoes.”
She looked down at my feet. “Do you have any extras in the car? Flip-flops or something?”
“I don't know. Wait, where are my keys?” We looked around the pothole but they weren't on the ground. Annabel reached her hand in to see if they dropped in the pothole. They weren't there either. “Not tonight,” I said.
“Check the car,” she said, already walking to it. She opened the door and leaned in to look for them. She pulled herself back out and dangled the keys in front of me. “They were in the ignition. Maybe it is a good thing I'm here.”
We laughed and fumbled through my car for my flip-flops. I found them in the trunk and tossed my broken red heels in their place before slamming the back shut. I put the flip-flops on and headed back into the club with Annabel to enjoy the rest of the night.