Independence Revised

So at the end of July I posted two old high school song lyrics that I was going to edit and see if I could make them something better. Well, here is my attempt at that. I think it's much better, but it might go through a bit more editing.

Independence
by: Jennifer Nelson
written: May 20, 2004
revised: September 17, 2010

I hear
in the distance
the laughing.
Even
humming.
What it wants
can't be heard
but it softly
whistles
while a life
flashes
in my mind.
Dreams come true
on this foggy
road. Inhibitions
leave
and make you whole
again. But you'll really never
know just what I am.
I see it there,
I can almost touch it.
I see it there,
so close I can feel it.
I see it there,
in front of me,
calling out for someone.
Your life is flashing
in front of you.
Your inhibitions
leave
and make you feel
again. But still
you don't have
me. I want to break
free and embrace
this life. To chase
wild stallions.
To find
what life is.
Laughing,
humming,
seeing,
freedom.
Life keeps flashing
in your face. Dreams
and inhibitions leave.
And you're so close to me!
Break out
and leave home
to find the new
world. The next phase
of life is shining
through. It's right
there. Can you see
it? Go embrace
it. Go and take
what is yours!

Found a treasure!

So, I found two "song lyrics" that I wrote at the end of my junior year of high school. I'm going to post both of them. Then I'm going to use them to test my editing skills. Yes, I'm going to see if I can take these priceless high school writing attempts and turn them into poetry that I don't laugh at when I read them.

Here's number one. I called it: "Independence"

Independence
by: Jennifer Nelson
written: May 20, 2004

I see it there, laughing right in front of me.
I see it there, humming a tune of independence.
I see it there, in front of me, calling out for someone to hear.
Your life is flashing in front of you.
Your dreams are coming true.
Your inhibitions leave and make you alright again.
But you'll really never know just what I am.
I see it there, I can almost touch it.
I see it there, so close I can feel it.
I see it there, in front of me, calling out for someone to hear.
Your life is flashing in front of you.
Your inhibitions leave and make you alright again.
But you still don't have me!
I want to break free and embrace this life of mine.
I want to run with wild stallions.
I want to break free and find out what life is.
I see it there, laughing out loud.
I see it there, humming that tune.
I see it there, right in front of me, waiting for someone to see!
Your life is flashing in front of you.
Your dreams are coming true.
Your inhibitions leave and make you alright again.
And you're so close to me!
I'm breaking out!
I'm leaving home!
I've found my new world, it's so close.
The next phase of my life is shining through.
It's right there.
Can you see it?
Go embrace it.
Go and take it!

Here's number two:

Hi...
by: Jennifer Nelson
written: May 20, 2004

Young woman
what's the meaning?
Young woman
what's the use?
Young woman
Alright, here it comes again
What two words hurt a girl more
None that I know
First of all, they call you young
To help you keep your place.
This word they make sure rings in your ears.
Then they move to calling you woman
A term used to show responsibility
Used t show that you should know
the consequences of your actions
Young woman
oh yeah right!
Young woman
don't make me laugh!
Young woman
okay, here it goes again
They call you a woman and you try to use that
You tell them that you've grown,
and they should give you more freedom
But of course they bring up the young part of the two
You're too young to go out
Too young to have a life
Young woman
no more please!
Young Woman
Let me be!
Young woman
What's the point anymore?
Those two heart breaking words bring any girl down
When you hear them, just proceed with caution
I just want to run away from them
Young woman
okay I give in
Young woman
I said I finished
Young woman, we just wanted to say hi.

Well, there they are. Let the editing begin!

Weddings

So I wrote a poem in April of 2006 called "A Wedding to Be." It's funny that I just ran across it because I have two sisters getting married in August. While it's incredibly excited for the two of them, re-reading this poem I remember some of the things I was afraid of in regards to relationships at 18.

I thought that I guarded my heart to much to actually let someone in. Well, that's not such a bad thing. Then as it keeps going I am shocked when I find that I actually let someone in. Yeah, okay I can see that happening to me. It's funny how you can see the way someone thinks through their writing, whether the piece is particularly good or not.

I wish everyone out there giving relationships a try all the best in the world. It's tough out there sometimes. I'm excited for my sisters, for my friends, for everyone who is able to fall in love and find someone to spend their lives with. Maybe someday I'll need lace as well. :-)

Here is one of my attempts at a sonnet four years ago. Enjoy!

A Wedding to Be
by: Jennifer Nelson

My heart is guarded so steadfast
Many a man can surely see
I try to start a fling to last
But he and I shall never be

So there upon the satin mat
My mind was finding ways to run
I knew we soon would have a chat
These things tend to not be fun

As I run through the trees
He shouts to me a fond “Hello!”
And I have found me weak at the knees
When I realize this I think “Oh no!”

He pulls me to him and touches my face
With his kisses I know I’ll soon need lace

Sappy but I like it - unedited

Right Timing
by: Jennifer Nelson

Tripped into something I'm so glad
to find. You caught me before the ground
made it's imprint on my head
and caused the stars to rotate
around me. A little cartoonish
but it's like I'm in a fairy land.
Can't believe the luck
when you said you liked
me too. I enjoy your smile
your smell, the truth of your amazing
self. You found me in a time of change
when I loved myself, my memories,
my friends and every moment I had lived.
I would ask could this be true,
but I know it is. Your fingers trace my face
and cause chills to run through my body.
The butterflies fill my stomach
when I first tried to talk to you, but I want
you to know everything now. My mouth
fills with words and I fumble
through them. When I laugh
I want you to know why. When I cry
I want you to hold me. When I sing
I want you to be the ballad. And when I dance
I want you to be my partner. I know
this is true. So kiss me once
more and let the shivers in my body linger
as we say goodnight. I know once I leave
we'll both think and ponder the next
chance we will have to be together.
Never thought you'd find me so soon
but I'm glad you did. Goodnight, sweet
sir. I'll dream of you tonight,
regardless of how cliche. I'm thankful
to have you in my life.

My Happily Ever After - Poem

My Happily Ever After
by: Jennifer Nelson

I’m tired of hearing
fairy tales,
romance,
happy endings.
Snow white road off with her prince charming,
Sleeping beauty was awoken by a kiss,
but where is my happily ever after?
I continue through my days
with everyone smiling around me,
but I sit hiding behind a fake smile.
I want the shoe
to fit perfectly so my prince
will take me to the ball.
Maybe a spell
to turn me into the princess
of his dreams.
Instead I long for something that will never
happen. I want my Disney happy ending
that I’ve been promised.

Those fairy tales lied.

No one gets romanced
anymore. My friends got lucky
in finding each other.
Finding another person who wants
some sort of tale of their own.
Most of life leaves
you to fend for yourself.
The prince doesn’t come and you have to battle
the dragon all alone.
Some pretend you become stronger,
but all that happens is you lose
your princess effect.
Then your prince doesn’t see you
as his damsel in distress.
You fit into the new mold of woman,
the woman of the world,
the woman who is too independent
for her own good.

I just want my turn too,
but I don’t know who to be.
Maybe some fake,
whiney child who can’t live on her own.
I’ve been made much stronger
than that. Some day I’ll get a prince
who wants a princess
who travels with him.
A princess who will be by his side fighting
the evil witch.
That’s where I’ll find my fairy tale.

Graceful Dreams

Butterfly, pretty
little butterfly. So colorful,
so full of life,
so beautiful.

Hello, butterfly. I enjoy
seeing you float above me, so daintily.
Hard to believe
you were so recently just a little
catepillar,
just winding yourself up and hoping
for the freedom
wings would someday provide.

Look at you go.
Good for you, little
butterfly! Push forward
and continue the journey
for a life you always dreamed
to have.

I wish I could fly
with you into the clouds,
soaring
over the rest of the world.
You ignore thoughts of tomorrow
and have no need to see to next week--
I wish I could fly
with you to a place so clear
and free from worry. Take me home
with you to the meadow.

Pretty little butterfly, flutter
away. Go see the world
and send me the images of the beauty
you have seen. Please, butterfly,
linger a little longer,
but when you leave I'll watch
until you float
out of view.